I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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