I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
