Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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