Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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