and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i drank out of a bidet.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
