I love black thongs
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
