remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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