i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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