At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
