So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
