he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
