Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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