If i come over, it means nothing
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
