im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
No subtext here. People are naked.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Even my vagina gasped.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
