i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
