You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
