The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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