I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
