If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
