Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
