my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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