my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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