We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
