U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
