tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
