This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
