Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need to sanitize my soul.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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