Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
