My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
