I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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