i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
