Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you win again, gameday.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
