whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
