I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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