Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
