even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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