So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
