Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
