if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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