i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
