Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
