RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
