Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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