I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
