it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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