and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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