Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Watching her eat just hurts me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
