Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
