Just mADE A PArabola og urine
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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