I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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