I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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