Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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